Secrets to a happy marriage

...issued by a man. I wonder what they could be like if the author was a woman

1. Two times a week, we go to a nice restaurant, have a little wine, some good food and companioship. She goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in Florida and mine is in Cincinnati.

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I haven´t been in a long time!", she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker. Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!" So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife is on a new diet. Coconuts and bananas. She hasn´t lost weight, but BOY, can she climb a tree now.

8. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!" and last but not least...

9. She got a mud pack an looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off!