Regrets of the dying
reading in EnglishI´ve stumbled upon a very interesting text by . Here it is:
For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives.
People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality. I learnt never to underestimate someone's capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.
When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:
1. I wish I'd had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realise that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.
It is very important to try and honour at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realise, until they no longer have it. 2. I wish I didn't work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children's youth and their partner's companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.
By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle. 3. I wish I'd had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.
We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.
It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called 'comfort' of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again.
When you are on your deathbed, what others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.
Life is a choice. It is YOUR life. Choose consciously, choose wisely, choose honestly. Choose happiness.
Sasha
These points become questionable once you ask yourself what would those people do if they were given another chance.
14.12.2011
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Scarlett
Do you want to say they wouldn´t draw any conclusions and behave the same way?
15.12.2011
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Sasha
It is hard to say what they would do, but just look at the lady who wrote this post. Supposedly, she made some conclusion on how she is gonna live the rest of her life, based on these regrets of dying people. But look at what she is actually doing. She is basically selling intimate thoughts of people who trusted her in their last moments of life. How does it fit with her "right" ideas? I'm a journalist and I know that there is the line you shouldn't step over in your aspiration to make a good story.
You know, this post seems nice and thoughtful but when you think about it in deep, it looks much more creepy. I just don't like when people write such stories, because quiet often is it just the way to get some attention.
15.12.2011
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Scarlett
I´m afraid I don´t quite agree with you.
To begin with, I believe this article was written for other people to read, think it over and make conclusions. I don´t think the author´s intention was to profess how she is going to live the rest of her life.
Secondly, I guess the people who confessed to her their reflections about life and precious things in it wouldn´t mind her sharing it with others. Moreover, it´s not somebody else´s story in particular - there are no names. It´s just a collection of her own observations, reflections and impressions based on what people on their deathbed said.
My view is that such articles appeal for people to reflect and maybe change their way of thinking or living. Help them be happier.
15.12.2011
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Sasha
Well, I'm sure her book has a lot of names. And it will definitely make people happier for almost 30$ per book. I'm sorry for my sarcasm but I have seen so many of such examples here. Seriously, do you think it can change someone's life? People just like to read such things and think they can change their life, but who of them really took any steps forward?
15.12.2011
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Scarlett
nobody can know that for sure
Personally I feel it can be an incentive. The spur to make up one´s mind and maybe reconsider some aspects of our lives. And if not, well, if a book makes you think - it´s a good one. Because not every book does that.
15.12.2011
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Sasha
Not every book that makes you think does it for good. Hitler was inspired by the book and after he wrote his own. I dramatize it, of course, but still.. We all know what it led to.
Anyway, now it is more about tastes. Thank you for sharing your opinion.
15.12.2011
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Madina
Really, we think that life is eternal, we live for the sake of other people, for the sake of public opinion, and about themselves often we forget.
14.12.2011
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Анастасия
It's wonderful, that I've learnt all regrets of the dying befor I'm going to die. I have a chance not to make these mistakes, make a choice to be happy.
Thanks for making me think
P.s. Correct my mistakes, pls))
14.12.2011
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Scarlett
I´m glad you liked it
Overcoming your fears, even for the sake of being happy, is not easy and not everyone can do that. But striving for happiness IS important, and we should never forget that the destination must be happiness, not the comfort of familiarity.
14.12.2011
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