продолжаю репостить некоторые приятные места из статей, присылаемых садиком. там ничего из ряда вон выходящего, но перечитать неплохо:
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Children who are treated with respect and who are gently encouraged to try new skills more readily learn to do things for themselves. Parents who, instead, take delight in doing things that their children are capable of doing for themselves, delay their children’s independence and hold back the development of their self-esteem. Dr. Montessori taught that a child who feels respected and competent will develop a far greater level of emotional well being than a child who is simply loved and doted upon. She wrote, “The adult should be an aide to life. We must help the child learn how to do it for himself.”
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Human development is exactly like the process necessary to produce a work of art that the artist, sequestered in the intimacy of his studio, modifies and transforms before he brings it before the public. The process by which the human personality is formed is in the hidden work of incarnation.”
Like the human embryo before birth, this spiritual embryo who is the young child must be protected from a hostile environment by the warmth of our love and acceptance.
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Instead, children carry within themselves the key to their own development. Their early attempts to express their individuality are hesitant and tentative. Our children think that we are all-wise and all-powerful. They are easily overwhelmed by our best intentions. Our efforts to protect our children from mistakes that seem so obvious from our perspective tend to frustrate their process of learning for themselves about life.
Parents, in other words, must also learn. We have to learn to respect the child’s efforts to develop an independent personality, because it is through this creative process that the child literally forms the adult. As parents, it is our duty to attempt to understand the psychological needs of our children and to prepare an environment within our homes for him.
Montessori was concerned that parents would unconsciously hinder and frustrate their child’s process of spiritual growth, although we may operate from the best of intentions. The primary role of the parent is to help the child to become mature, independent, and responsible. Unfortunately, we often misunderstand what we can do and what we must not do, if we truly want to facilitate this process. We tend to overprotect, not realizing that our children can only learn about life through experience, just as we did.
Our role as parents is to help our children learn to live in peace and harmony with themselves, with all people, and with the environment. We work to create a home in which our children can learn to function as independent, thinking people. To succeed in our role as parents, we need to treat our children with tremendous respect as full and complete human beings who happen to be in our care. Our children need to feel that it is okay to be themselves.
Children must feel our respect; it is not simply enough to say the words. If they believe that they are not living up to our expectations, that we are disappointed in the people that they are becoming, they may be emotionally scarred for a lifetime. A child who feels unaccepted by his parents can only wander through life looking in from the outside like a stranger.
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We should present an honest picture of the world to our children, according to their growing ability to understand. Naturally, though, they learn more from what we do than from what we preach.
Our actions should be consistent with our values. In order for children to grow emotionally and morally complete, they just be able to trust and understand the important adults in their lives. In the end, they must learn how to think and judge for themselves. But they begin with us as their example.
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Children are extremely sensitive to the emotional climate within the family. They love us and basically want us to be pleased with them. This doesn’t mean that they will always behave. Every child will test the rules to some degree. In fact, most acts of testing parents are a normal part of the child’s process of growing up.
When children test adults, it is often their way of expressing feelings that they don’t understand, and from our responses, they gradually learn how to handle their emotions appropriately. By testing the limits, they learn that we really care about certain ground rules of grace and courtesy in our relationship. In acting out, they are taking their first tentative steps toward independence, attempting to demonstrate that we don’t control them completely.
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Agree on your family ground rules and get them written down where both parents can refer to them. Teach your children how to do the right thing rather than focusing on their infractions.
Be consistent! If you can’t bring yourself to reinforce a rule again and again, it shouldn’t be a ground rule at your house. A few good rules are much better than dozens of nit-picking rules that no one can remember. In the Montessori home there are only a few ground rules: Be kind and gentle and treat all life with respect. Don’t whine! Tell the truth and don’t be afraid to admit when you make a mistake. Just do your best to learn from it. If you break something, clean it up.
Threats and punishments are not good tools to get children to behave. From our experience, those children who respond to threats and are shaken by punishments are anxious to please us and win back our love. On the other hand, when children are angry, or are asserting their independence, they often act out and don’t care if they are punished.
Punishment is simply not as effective as we tend to assume. At both home and school, teach children to do things correctly and emphasize the positive rather than using insults and anger. It’s not always easy. Above all else, try never to ask your children unanswerable questions, such as, “How many times do I have to tell you ... ?” to which the appropriate response is, “I don’t know, Dad! How many times do you have to tell me?” Ask a silly question, and you get a silly answer.
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So often, parents are frustrated in their efforts to keep the peace in their homes. They concentrate on trying to get their children to do what they want them to do, instead of nurturing the family ties. Children need to be respected as independent human beings. Discipline should be taught as a series of positive lessons conducted by loving, confident parents who know that their children are basically good and completely capable of doing the right thing. Children tend to live up to our expectations.
Love is not enough; the respect that we give children and insist on in return is the key. Do not ask your children to earn your respect and trust.
Assume that they deserve to be treated with respect from the beginning. Sometimes parents try to be “best friends” with their children, which tends to become a serious mistake. Children will have many friends throughout the course of their lives, but they will only have one set of parents. If we get caught up in having our children “like” us, we will find it difficult to confront them when they act out of line (as they will sooner or later).
Getting angry with parents is part of growing up. It’s how we create a bit of distance between us and our childhood. A parent should be loved, respected, and someone in whom to confide but not a buddy or playmate.
Speak to the very best within your child. Try to call forth from within her the young adult who will someday walk in her shoes. Children tend to live up to our expectations or down to our disrespect. This respect should extend to your child’s interests and all the “reasonable” activities in which she becomes engaged. Pay attention to the things that fascinate her and try to understand them.
